Learning to Forget

I am learning to forget,

To unlearn you.

I empty my elephant brain,

One scene at a time.

I embrace the absence of memory.

I had wanted someone to complement my life,

You wouldn’t even compliment it,

I would have settled for either.

I have stopped driving up the hill,

Expecting to see your car,

Taking up space in the driveway.

I no longer reach my hand to my phone,

On instinct,

To make you a part of the moments I once only called my own.

I even stopped hanging a towel,

In the bathroom we used to call yours.

I am paying my karmic penalties,

For all the times I prayed for traffic,

While you were driving home,

On the phone with me.

As I rip the red yarn out of the stocking,

That previously read your name,

I realize how easy it is,

For seemingly permanent things,

To become undone.

I’ve learned to grocery shop for one,

No more Reeses,

Chocolate eggs,

Bags of candy,

or

Endless sweets.

I always had enough for you.

I was always enough for you.

I do not pay mind to the you that existed,

The reality that had been right in front of me.

I have made amends,

My heart,

Mind,

Soul,

And body,

Have all moved on.

But I have unfinished business,

With all of the beautiful versions of you that don’t exist.

The hypothetical,

The potential,

All the what could have beens,

But never were,

And will never be.

Sometimes I catch myself,

Caught up in the fantasy,

And think,

My God,

Am I in love with them all.