The Seven Stages of Grief | Reconstruction
The Seven Stages of Grief
vi. Reconstruction
Reconstruction after the Civil War took American history 14 years to recover,
An era.
In just the same way as the first day I saw you,
I wonder,
Is this forever?
«
Since I met you,
I was promoted 3 times at 2 different companies.
I bought a condo,
Sold a condo,
Moved three times.
I got my MBA,
Wrote a book,
Doubled my income.
«
I am someone who people call,
Impressive.
«
I lace up my sneakers,
Put on my heels,
Remind myself,
I was born to build.
«
I shed my Norma Jean,
Step into my Marilyn Monroe.
I had forgotten what it was like to wear a white dress,
And not dream of your hands in mine,
Your shoulders facing me,
Our smiles a reflection of each other,
Our ring fingers dressed up in evening wear.
«
Living without you is as simple a feeling,
As leaving my arm in another room.
You are my phantom limb,
And I beg myself to become bionic.
«
A woman in the office says,
“The way you walk is,”
Then clutches her chest,
Searching for words,
Landing on,
“I want to be like you.”
My friend says,
“Your voice sounds lighter.”
Another tells me,
“You’re looking good.
I didn’t even recognize you.”
«
There’s a perpetual knot in my stomach,
Or maybe it’s my throat,
Why not both?
I boil an egg and think how you’ll never cook in this kitchen again,
Then promptly throw up in the sink.
«
When I tell my friends,
Why you are no longer by my side,
They all say the same thing,
“He was a good guy, he just wasn’t yours.”
They don’t know how right they are.
I was always yours,
You were never mine.
«
I am scattered in pieces,
Like Humpty Dumpty,
Fallen off his wall.
But, I have no king’s horses,
I have no king’s men,
So every morning,
I have to try and put myself back together again.
«
I sing,
Bob the Builder,
Can we fix it?
Yes
We
Can.
I say to myself,
Just keep swimming,
Swimming,
Swimming,
My brain is full of fictional characters,
Because none of this feels real.
«
I put on music,
Listen to Dancing in the Dark,
I press repeat,
54 times.
I sing a different line louder each round.
«
I wish I could say,
I wake up braver every day,
But sometimes,
I wake up,
Surprised I’m still alive.
«
Loving myself,
Meant losing you.
And sometimes,
I’d rather lose myself,
Just to have another moment with you.
«
While reconstruction,
Is often synonymous with rebuild,
Its less popular definition,
Is a re-enactment of a past event.
I’ll bet you’ll never guess which one I’m stuck on.